On the Border of Personality

What Is BPD?

Standing on the Border of Personality

Borderline personality disorder can not only be difficult to live with , but be difficult to understand. Even the experts can sometimes need to really study up so that they can recognize and diagnose it without the standard stigma attached. Diagnosis is particularly difficult in teens and young adults because many of the symptoms are typical teenage angst, and then there are the ones that are not.

lone person walking

Comfreak / Pixabay

Borderline Personality Disorder or BPd is a mental illness that is characterized by emotional instability and vulnerability. Someone with BPd has difficulty regulating his or her emotions and has changeable moods, I call them faceted moods.  Emotionally,  people with BPd can go from normal to breaking the spectrum on “any emotion here” ,0 to 90 in seconds flat.  We are labelled extremists and drama seekers, but we are not, in our minds everything warrants our sadness, happiness, anger.  We view the world thru idealistic lenses and traverse it with our hearts laid bare and raw on our sleeves.  We don’t know where we fit in, and our emotionally driven ways don’t make fitting in very easy at all anyway.  All this leads to several symptoms and behaviors typical of the disorder:

  • Impulsive and risky behaviors
  • Self-loathing or overly compensation with arrogance 
  • Suicidal thoughts and/or actions, ready to leave this world at any time, lost value of life
  • Quick and frequent mood swings that can be subtle or extreme
  • Episodes of intense depression, anxiety or anger, the darkness of being becomes too much
  • Inappropriate reactions, extreme reactions, emotions out of range for the context of the situation
  • Unstable relationships or no relationships at all.  

It’s a hard diagnosis.  It’s a hard roll of the dice to be stuck with to be sure! For those of us that live it, it’s constant work, constant processing.  I talk to myself AND answer myself and it’s the least of my “crazy”.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder and suffer through the empty dark desolate days, where we long to go home, be gone, or as I like to say, I want to be the ether, everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.  Here are a few things we have to remember about being who we are:

  • We are hard wired this way.  They can scan our brains and they look different.  We are brain damaged so to speak.   We didn’t get the bond and protection we needed as infants and our baby brains were growing, forming, and wiring themselves to their environment.  Millions of synapses making connections, wiring the thought processes. Nature vs Nurture, we are the ultimate double whammy. and survived it.
  • Many people who have lived through the trauma of the kind of childhoods many of us have had,  end up with split personality disorder. I can’t imagine if there were more facets of me to deal with that couldn’t remember each other! So lucky us.  We were strong enough to hang in there.
    Woman with steam coming out ears

    komposita / Pixabay

  • Sometimes it is a blessing to be so emotional sensitive.  We truly feel, for good and bad, we are in there knee deep in the emotional muck of living and that is what being alive is about.
  •  We are strong enough to hold the intense emotional energy.  Emotions of such magnitude generate energy of the same magnitude.  We are like walking beacons and batteries.  We tend to the extremes that others cannot and we remind people of the fragility of being human.  When we wound each other through our actions or words, it causes pain and suffering.
  • We offer a different view of the world that only we with our rawness and extremes can offer.  Differences are good.
  • We are incredibly strong and resilient. Worthy of love and friends. We just need people as special as we are.
  • and lastly, remember …It IS what It IS… the past is gone, non existent and the future is yet to exist.  We can only  be who we are supposed to BE and we can only be where we ARE.

Mortals need not apply.

DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR TIPS

Dialectical Coping

Daily Dialectical Coping.  It’s a form of  constant mindfulness that I have to maintain in order to get through the day.  Always questioning my thoughts and feelings, “Are these real? too extreme? can I validate them with facts?” I think it hinders everything in my life because it takes so much focus.  How can I focus on other people when I have to keep myself in such hard check?  Friendships, dating (what a joke) everything gets neglected because I am dealing with “me” so much.  Is this wellness? Does it get easier?

puzzle pieces on head

geralt / Pixabay

Relationships are my goal this year.  ITs the final step on my wellness list.  I have a dating profile up, I think I will post it here on the site so everyone can see it.
These are some of the things I work on daily:
My Tips for thinking Dialectically
  • Avoid words like “Always” and “Never” they are limiting and words are powerful.
  • Practice not speaking when someone is talking to me, be a better listener and see other points of view
  • Remember that no one has source truth, every person is reflecting their own subjective version of what they think is truth
  • Use “I feel” statements, it’s less abrasive than “I think” and it’s more accurate since it is those pesky over the top feelings causing the need for guidelines to begin with
  • Remind myself that the only constant is change and change is good.
  • Accept that different opinions can both be
    legitimate, and that everyone has a right to have theirs no matter how stupid I think it is.  Don’t tell them they are stupid.
  • Consider that we all have both good and bad qualities in differing quantities
  • Check out your assumptions,
    – do not put words in other peoples mouth or expect others to read your mind, and remember it’s NOT ALL ABOUT YOU
  • Try to appreciate how different from eachpicture of terion miller
    other we all are and how interesting we each are in our own quirky ways, and remember everyone has their own personal bullshit to deal with, you haven’t been given extra.

Positive Power, Positively!

The Powers of a Positive Attitude

I am going to ask you to something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?

Now let’s say you are walking

Change your mind, change your life

geralt / Pixabay

down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here’s another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn’t end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.

The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

What you can Gain

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

happy standing girl on the beach

jill111 / Pixabay

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.

A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.

Happy Thoughts

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a upbeat attitude by focusing on the good things, the happy things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.

As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.

Nothing to lose

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what’s not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

Ability of Skill

Ability Skill and Knowledge.

A skill is the ability to use one’s knowledge

effectively and readily in the execution or
performance of a task.
A skill is something you learn how
to do that can help you to have a
happier, safer and healthier life.
Our goal is to learn skills that will
allow you to help yourself and
make the most out of who you
are.

Learning Skills

www_slon_pics / Pixabay

It is your job to USE a skill once you
have learned it.
Every skill you learn is something you can
take with you and have forever, like a
treasure that no one can take away.
But keep in mind that learning new skills is
hard work. It helps to practice the skills as
much as you can between groups .

Something you do for someone else as a
way of repairing the relationship if it has
been damaged in some way.

The relationship we have with each other is central, and should be based on
trust, respect, and cooperative work on
common and individual goals.

If anyone should break any of the agreed
upon rules and or agreements (because
sometimes people do make mistakes)
then a Repair will be expected.

Repairs can come in a variety of different forms
– you are encouraged to be
creative should you need to make a repair.

The reasons we do repairs are
Human relationships are very important.

It is important that when you have hurt
someone, you make an effort to make it up to
that person or people that you have hurt.

No one is perfect, and everyone deserves a
chance to make up for a mistake.

It reminds us to respect and value each other.
It feels good to do something nice for someone else

Goals of Skills Training

1. Confusion about self, cognitive dysregulation
2. Interpersonal chaos Fears of Abandonment
3. Dysregulated emotions, moods, Excessive Anger, Excessive Sadness
4. Impulsiveness, Suicide Threats

Behaviors to Increase
1. Core mindfulness skills
2. Interpersonal effectiveness skills
3. Emotion regulation skills
4. Distress tolerance skills

Limerick Dating Do’s

Do Limericks turn into Love?
​I wrote this ditty of a limerick for a funny review to leave on someone I was/am talking to on  a dating website.  Yes folks, I am attempting to date, working to my goal of a functional relationship. Go Me!
So far, dates -1. Stand ups-2  Connections – 0
Wrote this for a man I have been talking to, who is smart, funny, and well….I wrote this for him for fun…

Phd Tall as a Tree

Well well what can I say
when he’s on he’s on..and ready to play,

With who? With what? Did you ask where?

girl fish or mermaid

Prawny / Pixabay

Ouch oh yeah,Oh yeah he does,
he likes to pull on hair

Line up ladies, I’ll show you how
brains and seduction work
First you hold my feather duster,
and I will polish all the wood.

Up and down, round and round
is how I get to working
Oh my my is that a leg.
it’s definitely not a gherkin

My mind is wired a little faulty,
Yes it’s a little twisted
Such a muddy pond of players games
yet we all just keep on fishing

I may call dibs, and stake my claim
He’s different than his brothers
the rest of you splish splash away
Ty cat fishing with the others

Prawny / Pixabay

So many words, and sarcastic banter,
Lets not forget the laughter
you can look it up, if you don’t believe me
if you feel you really have to,
It’s in this thing that’s quite profound,
he calls his dictionary
collegiate thick and quite big around
close your eyes if it scares you
So many words you can’t fit in
His pen stroke goes on forever
He makes a  basket of sentences
To carry you off like a bandit
So listen ladies

cartoon man with a book

Prawny / Pixabay

I’m here to say,
He’s really not so scary…
On the Plateau of the Cumberland
Painting walls with dirty words
He’s Ripe, He’s randy and he’s ready
for the taking.

Digital River and PayPal Team Up as Theives

Paypal and Digital Ripoff, I mean River

So, dear dear Paypal, let me get this straight..
..you say “the transaction IS found to be NOT authorized”,
it says NOT authorized, and it’s NOT covered
so I DON’T get MY money back?  WTF??
So Digital River can just go around taking nearly $80 out of a personas account and they do not have to pay it back even when it is proven they were not authorized
Someone Please tell me how on any reality that is fair, just or right.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT…THE TRANSACTION IS FOUND TO BE NOT AUTHORIZED , NOT , AND I DON’T GET COVERED FOR A REFUND FOR A COMPANY HACKING MY ACCOUNT? WHAT THE F#ck.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIX THIS
BECAUSE I AM
ABOUT TO GO ON A
SOCIAL MEDIA MELTDOWN
ABOUT DIGITAL RIVER AND PAYPAL
TEAMING UP TO ROB PEOPLE
SERIOUSLY BETTER GET REFUNDED THIS IS BULLSHIT AND ANYONE READING THIS KNOWS IT IS FRAUD… FRAUDULENT ADDING TO THE CRAP IN THE CRAPPY WORLD FRAUDULENT

Case Closed: Transaction not covered

Case ID: PP-I-973862
Thank you for reporting this case. After reviewing your case, we found that this transaction was not unauthorized and hence couldn’t be covered under PayPal Purchase Protection.
Case details

Dispute reason

Unauthorized access

Case Status: Closed

Date reported: Dec 16, 2017

Transactions refunded:  Dec16
DigitalRiver US Inc

Preapproved Payment <——by WHO???
+ $76.81

The money will be refunded to the original payment method.  BUT IT HASN’T BEEN

Seller information

atlanticpaypal@digitalriver.com  <—--OF COURSE … THE EMAIL ADDRESS DOESN’T EXSIST!!