Against Me, the World Falling
Everywhere. In transition, I am transition. I am Transforming.
My emotions are fluid, and move from one to the next, like water around rocks. Tumbling and bubbling. Smooth and splashing.
I can feel like everyone is against me, no one cares at all, or everything animate and inanimate truly has it out for me.
These feelings, must sound irrational to the majority maybe, but for me they are survival tactics on autopilot. Hard wired in my brain. A brain molded at a very early age by the hands of abuse. Tied to their own terrible twisted way. They most likely had been abused and left in in their own dark depths of pain. In the damp sweaty shame.
In my head, somewhere so deep that I barely perceive of it, and even then, only a little too late, hides my unconscious layers I can only glimpse and have yet to fully meet. That self, myself, that stays ever constant and busy with the acts of survival. Resisting, hiding crouched low, like a castaway aboard my human ship hides my child. Never again to be hurt so completely. Betrayed, absolute.
It is hard to put into words how I feel in my daily life. All I know is I feel. Constantly, I feel. Sometimes it is a good feeling. so good it can only be described with words such as joy, bliss, amazement. Other times, it is so bad, the words used are agony, despair, desolation, distraught, depravity.
All I know, is that my moods flash like sunlight thru leaves. Bright then shaded, smooth then broken. From one to another in constant movement an emotional dance. One minute, tears of amazement pour forth from my over filled heart! Moments later, the same tears turn to a rushing torrent pouring from a bottomless empty space that nothing has ever or will ever fill.
My emotions are fluid, and move from one to the next like water around rocks. Tumbling and bubbling. Smooth and splashing. Everywhere. In transition, I am transition.
I am Transformation. I am Transforming.