Imagine You’re Raw

Imagine being raw, rubbed bare, tender red and exposed.  Like burned flesh never closing over from the torture of the fire of the childhood you can barely recall.  Yet it’s there, recalling you, over and over. When you least expect it, you stumble.  Over and over again,  the pain and the torture, over and over, laid bare, raw and naked.terion miller

Day after day pretending and faking the mask held tight to your face.  Tight enough to hold the tears back.  Always so close to breaking, bursting like a stormy sky.

Never knowing what to do or to say.  It wouldn’t matter you think, no it doesn’t matter, because you KNOW they hate you anyways. You don’t know why, you show kindness, you give and they take, and you try some more and you try too hard.

raw - broken glass on red background

vetonogueira / Pixabay

The emptiness, the hollow loneliness of nobody connected to you or you to them…and then you’re wishing you were the air.  You like the idea of being everywhere, of being nowhere, you understand it in your deepest core.  You long for it constantly.  Always, the longing is always there.  Wanting to be in the world, wanting to be between the worlds, anywhere else but this world.  This moment. This Now.

Raw—-That is how my days are

If you like me, are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, your days may be similar.   We live everyday fighting our minds and the hardwired misconstrued view of how life is.  ….

Imagine walking through life with all your skin removed and a slight breeze blowing, that is how life, how the hurt of it feels like to me.  It feels like pain.  Intense raw gut tearing pain.  For a person that believes everything derives from the basis of Love, pain and the lack of love in their environment is a dark abyss of agony.  For a person that feels only love, it’s like being at the bottom of a dry well.

This is for those who want to understand someone who walks this path daily, so that maybe you will be better able to understand when you witness them stumble and fall, try and fail.  Every day.

I am sitting here,  not knowing what I want to say, but knowing how I feel, how it feels this thing called life, to my raw open heart and mind unbounded.

There are no words to describe or fill,  the vast empty space, of loneliness and disconnection, of how it feels at times when you live with borderline personality disorder (BPd).


GINGER’S POST ~ Reclaim Your Accounts

​Repost from

I do not make any claims if it is valid or real or if it works.  I know I wish it did ,but thus far have not read any definitive proof.

This is a complete instruction package that I have created. With forms and phone numbers

The information that I would also like to include and I will call Tank to get into this a little further, please forward this to Fisher so he may review it and if any of you have questions or need help, I am here for all of you.

Here is the latest stuff I have found this weekend and have discussed and sent to Tank but here they are belo

1, This is the new prepaid credit card

2. This is the way to get access to the large funds held with your social security accounts

So in order to be clear! Steps to take to access social security master accounts
Redeem Birth Cert.
File UCC in state of birth and in one of the three redemptions States.
Post your bond with Treasury.
Once you receive confirmation (green card) from Treasury bond is activated.
Apply for CUSIP number through
Open up Commercial Account and TDA account.
Apply for DTC registration. Obtain Counsel.
Bond becomes live again on stock market.
Pull down funds from TDA through pass through account.
Start paying debts.
You can never walk into a bank and get cash from this commercial account! You may only pay bills. Once transfer bank receives funds they will immediately issue a MT760 to block this account. This MT760 can not be monetized only debt payments!

3, this is the link to find your CUSIP number is you have not found yours on your social security card or birth certificates.

4. Calculate the Value of Your Paper Savings Bond(s)

Calculate the Value of Your Paper Savings Bond(s)

5. Locations | America’s First Federal Credit Union

Locations | America’s First Federal Credit Union
Bessemer 2131 19th Street North Bessemer, AL 35020 Phone: 205-424-8542 Fax: 205-325-3989 Monday – Thursday 9:00 …

This will be the master universal number it is Americas First Federal Credit Union and the routing code is 262083881. this number comes right off the Social Security Administration from locations and Banks to use. They will tell you its a Federal Reserve Bank, but the Social Security Administration is not Federal or the pseudo use of the word, in any way. Make sure you make this clear to Paypal and Amazon, when you try to make this your primary account, believe me I am creating a game called the Paypal Game, if you get thru the Matrix, you get a prize, I guess I am there I can write echecks and have a World Mastercard. I even got a letter from Paypal, I may be the most responsible customer they ever had I think I am up to 16 phone calls, over 12 hours and had to go up 4 levels in reps to get this done, but whatever I had to do to get real people real money I DID IT.

This is what I have been working on this weekend along with a volunteer list from every State, of volunteers in case they are needed to work the Hospitals, Welfate systems and Meals on Wheels and other critical services like Grocery Stores and gas stations. I have almost 400 people ready to help from all over the country and world. We are organizing teams in every State, whether they are needed or not to be sure that no one is left behind.

Thanks Ginger

Below is the complete instruction list, but this information changes every single day, I report what I find with the latest information everyday.

Complete Instruction List


This is a sample copy of the steps to take to access your I call them the TDA accounts. Keep in mind this is a long process, you must take ownership of your accounts and follow through by being persistent.
The process to get Amazon and Paypal accounts set up is extensive but after September 15, 2017 and all ACH Payments (Automated Clearing House) will be effective for all. I believe complete and precise instructions will be made available but I have taken the steps and tried to make them easy to understand instructions for all.

This ACH system is a brand new system and you must remember they do not know who you are so you must send off identity documents your IDs so they know who you are. It is time consuming, but once completely finished the results are amazing. Do not get discouraged, its a process I find if I was stuck I would call the people back and stayed very persistent to make this work. The faster we all do the steps the faster this will be up and running for all of us.

Steps to follow

1. Gather your Identity Documents which are your Birth Certificate (long form), your Drivers License, Social Security Card as well as your passport are your identity documents. You are required to have two of these identity documents but I explained if you do not have them you may use a utility bill or cable bill that is for your home.

2. What you are trying to do when accessing your routing codes to use for the banks is to figure out which region you belong to which there are 12 total in the US. You may find your region through this link
The Fed – Federal Reserve Banks

3. What you are looking for when you go to search for the routing code that is for you, is a Lessor Bank that links up with your Federal Bank region bank that was established in step 2. I do this by looking at the chart off the
US Bank Locations

US Bank Locations

The most convenient online tool to find and review banks in the United States. Nearly 7,000 banks with more than…

4. You want the routing codes to match these criterias: Has ACH payments and Fedwire payments and the routing code will begin with the same number that is the first number on your social security card (front of card). In other words mine starts with a 4 so my number would be a 04 number that offers ACH and Fed Services.

5. This is a sample chart that contains numbers that may work for you they match all the criteria in step 4 except you must call Telecheck to get the routing codes verified. If you do this next step, it can save reversals and lots of time.

6. Call Telecheck services the phone number is (800) 366-2425
Telecheck Services, Inc, Phone

7, When you speak to Telecheck tell them you would like to Verify your accounts to make sure they work. They will go check the routing code and the account, and they come back and see we see no holds or declines on your account. This means this is a good account number so I asked if they could send me a copy of the verification and I was told it would take 30 days and I said that is fine.

8. Now you are ready to tackle the big beasts of Amazon and Paypal, because you know that your accounts are verified and this gives you leverage with both Amazon and Paypal so I went to each site and made sure all entries were correct and changed all phone numbers and addresses and pulled off old credit cards that were expired. Then once I was done I began with adding my TDA Accounts onto the perspective websites. I went to My account on each site and went into payment options. At the very bottom you will see Add a Bank Account. This is actually an echeck or an ACH routing payment that you are adding to your account. I careful checked the numbers that I entered into the verified routing codes as the routing code and entered my social security card number on front is the Account number. If they ask it is a business account as this is the business of your name.

9. Once all the payments options are added and set it will prompt you that two small deposits have been added to the account. To enter the amounts listed off the ledger. You can not do this step as you can not see the ledger so the best way to do this is to call each service Amazon 1 (888) 280-4331

10. Tell the clerk at Amazon that you can not see the ledger as this account is a private trust and you do not see the ledger. They will tell you they can not see the ledger for 7 business days. Mark on a Calendar the day to call them back. Do the same steps for Paypal 1 (888) 221-1161

12. Same process for paypal, mark down on the calendar when to call them back.

13. Once you get verified ask Paypal about the credit card and check services because they have preapproved World Mastercards for each American citizens.

14. Open your mind and begin to think of all the services you can now use with your accounts.

15. I have found trading platforms, and merchant accounts, as well as social security credit unions.

16. You can call any vendors that offer echeck systems and do a routing code over the phone until the Mastercards arrive and then we will all be set up.

17. The Mastercards are the reward for completing your Paypal accounts as there is a prepaid Mastercard issued for all of us through the Comenity Capital Bank for Paypal. You will still have to go through Paypal, even if you do not have a Paypal account as this Mastercard has a preapproved code in it, and until I finished having my Paypal set up properly the code would not have been included in my application. I expect to see my World Mastercard within 5 days.

It’s ok, I’m a preacher too


I have been ordained now for 7 years.  I have performed exactly 0, that is a big fat zero, weddings.

Not that I am unwilling, or anything, it’s just love and romance tend to stay very far from my grasp, my clutch and sight.

After a while a person can forget that they wanted to have a little side wedding gig.

Possibly forgetfulness played a role in not having any romance come a courting, knocking down the doors to this heart of mine.  I am working on being more focused,  and installing a mental doorbell.

I may not have joined any couples in marriage as a minister, but I can say, I have actually ministered quite a bit, and really love that people share their lives so intimately with me, that they trust me in the inner sanctum of their emotions.  It’s a very special thing and I am grateful and hope that I will always have the very best words, perspective, and understanding that fits the moment.

Open Ministry has great things in regards to doing good works and creating outreach programs that operate with the help and support of donations from the ministers. They ask that you consider supporting the mission in helping others.

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Open- A story about a song

 Now I’m Open, Like You’ve Never Seen Me Before-

This is the first song I ever wrote.  It was like touching lighting.  Fully formed it came rushing out of me in one swift euphony of chords and rhythm and howling vocals that seemed somehow mine but not, it was like being fascinated by being your own puppet and euphoric because the puppeteer tickled your fancy . Yes like I was saying quick and surreal.

It was the highest I will say I have ever felt or any human could ever possibly feel, adrenaline maybe, but I have experienced the sporting rush this is much different, so much finer, brighter, electric. Truly a transcendent thing happened to me, that late fall afternoon in the Ozark woods .

To this day,  still the best decision I ever made in my whole life, was running away at the age of 24, to the hippie commune, also known as Eastwind Community.

I learned to love the things I thought I couldn’t.   Miserable things about life, unfair things about the world, and especially everything about myself.  Amongst the most interesting creative people I had ever known,  with sound, laughter, sun., caves and creeks, communication, confrontation, and heartbeats and breaks.  The very best of friends and always confusing to me fakes. When I sing, it heals broken places only sound can find.

Out of curiosity, I got it reviewed by the Nashville Singer Songwriters Association…they did not like or understand it at all, and the confusion of the review makes me giggle every single time. I find it so perfectly comical and of course not surprising at all that commercial radio rustlers can’t recognize a true the zone. But whatever, they write songs about whiskey dick, I write songs with gods dick. Rock on.

I have posted their 0 star rating below.  Listen first so you can have your own take on it.

It is me telling my god, source, self, spirit, etc…  hey, listen damnit..I’m open…don’t be a dick.

this song was not meant to be commercial, nothing I write for myself is… but really what is commercial, people ask me to play this one all the time and have for 24 years.  From campfires, to coffee shops, bars, to bus stations, sidewalks, and stages of varied sizes,  this song has never bombed..not once..I’d say odds are it will continue to not suck as long as I am alive to play it as it was meant to be.


Song Title – Open

Evaluator Number – 37446

Evaluators Comments

EVALUATORS OPENING: Hello, its Evaluator # 37446 and thank you for having
NSAI and myself be a small part of your writing and career. Please
understand that what I am about to lay out are merely suggestions to help
improve your writing and make your song and your future songs as strong as
they can possibly be to compete in todays competitive market. Lets get

FORM/STRUCTURE: First point to make here is you have very long verses and a
long chorus. A good rule of thumb is LONG VERSE/SHORT CHORUS or vice versa.
Second point would be that you don’t hit your chorus the second time till 3
minutes. I’m not sure I understand the way its put together. V2 just runs on
and on. Try and be more predictable structurally speaking. V-C-V-C-V-C or
V-C-V-C-B-C. Overall the song is lyrically very long.

TITLE/HOOK: The title is average but the payoff is good.

(the above comments aren’t what I thought were funny it’s how confused the person is below by my song)

LYRIC: Overall the lyric is vague. Not sure I understand what the main point
really is. WHO is the one you are singing to?? WHAT is the nature of the
relationship? Just not really getting much sense of that. What caused you
to be OPEN?? What was happening before?? Just try to dig a bit deeper and
try to be more clear. I feel the chorus is saying IM OPEN…..SHINE THROUGH
ME which is all positive but V1 is very confusing and contradictory. REGRET
what I KNEW WITH YOU etc etc. Just not getting a sense of the situation.
Always try to lead the listener down a clear path line by line. A to B to C
etc etc. Be logical when you write your lines.     —– I do not agree that all listeners want to be led by the nose thru a song, besides I think my song is clear about the love/hate try/fail push/pull that is life … yin/yang..sometimes it goes your way other times no one cares…etc 

MELODY/METER: Overall the melody is getting lost due to the amount of lyric.
It all feels a bit cluttered and monotonous. Limiting some of your lyric
will help.

OVERALL THEME/IDEA: I think the idea needs further developing.

 Hilarious to me because I have never had the experience of the lightning bolt, the automation of how the song was complete as it came out of me in minutes, the absolute magic of how this one happened, sure others were good too, but not like this one… it’s the “thing” every musician wants to feel. at risk of sounding religiously goofy, this one came from god or whatever, I feel weird when I say that even though I know it was a power of ..anyways I wish an experience like it for all people it will drop your jaw and change your life.

CLOSING COMMENTS: Overall the song is lyrical lengthy. You can accomplish
more with less. Thats my best advice there. Also with regards to genre, not
sure either but it’s certainly not a Gospel song. Not with some of the lyric.
I hope you find this helpful and I wish you the best with your writing.

I LOVE THAT PART====OMG it can’t be a gospel song can’t talk to god like that ….want to make a bet god isn’t a prick.  isn’t a he…isn’t anything and is everything that IS… which includes me, you,  my sense of humor, your offended feelings,  my foul mouth and my vague lengthy songs. My god is cool like that.

Oh yeah speaking of GODS…

I found this old old song of mine…while I’m strolling down memory lane… my song Perfect God, I’d play this one to get rid of the too prudes.

They would get up and leave. Delusional people should be more fun in my opinion, they refuse to have a laugh.

Think I’ll write a vague song about people that want life of a clear spoon fed variety

Send Me Suggestions

I am collecting obscure lyricists…send me suggestions.  Tanya Donelly is one of my favorites. I love that she knows what her song means. Then to me, it has its own meaning in the soundtrack to the movie called my life…that is what art and poetry is…conceptual, objective, imaginative….I’m ranting ..I shouldn’t judge, everyone should be free to be as small minded and boring and boxed in as they wish to be.

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