What Is BPD?
Standing on the Border of Personality
Borderline personality disorder can not only be difficult to live with , but be difficult to understand. Even the experts can sometimes need to really study up so that they can recognize and diagnose it without the standard stigma attached. Diagnosis is particularly difficult in teens and young adults because many of the symptoms are typical teenage angst, and then there are the ones that are not.
Borderline Personality Disorder or BPd is a mental illness that is characterized by emotional instability and vulnerability. Someone with BPd has difficulty regulating his or her emotions and has changeable moods, I call them faceted moods. Emotionally, people with BPd can go from normal to breaking the spectrum on “any emotion here” ,0 to 90 in seconds flat. We are labelled extremists and drama seekers, but we are not, in our minds everything warrants our sadness, happiness, anger. We view the world thru idealistic lenses and traverse it with our hearts laid bare and raw on our sleeves. We don’t know where we fit in, and our emotionally driven ways don’t make fitting in very easy at all anyway. All this leads to several symptoms and behaviors typical of the disorder:
- Impulsive and risky behaviors
- Self-loathing or overly compensation with arrogance
- Suicidal thoughts and/or actions, ready to leave this world at any time, lost value of life
- Quick and frequent mood swings that can be subtle or extreme
- Episodes of intense depression, anxiety or anger, the darkness of being becomes too much
- Inappropriate reactions, extreme reactions, emotions out of range for the context of the situation
- Unstable relationships or no relationships at all.
It’s a hard diagnosis. It’s a hard roll of the dice to be stuck with to be sure! For those of us that live it, it’s constant work, constant processing. I talk to myself AND answer myself and it’s the least of my “crazy”.
If you have Borderline Personality Disorder and suffer through the empty dark desolate days, where we long to go home, be gone, or as I like to say, I want to be the ether, everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. Here are a few things we have to remember about being who we are:
- We are hard wired this way. They can scan our brains and they look different. We are brain damaged so to speak. We didn’t get the bond and protection we needed as infants and our baby brains were growing, forming, and wiring themselves to their environment. Millions of synapses making connections, wiring the thought processes. Nature vs Nurture, we are the ultimate double whammy. and survived it.
- Many people who have lived through the trauma of the kind of childhoods many of us have had, end up with split personality disorder. I can’t imagine if there were more facets of me to deal with that couldn’t remember each other! So lucky us. We were strong enough to hang in there.
- Sometimes it is a blessing to be so emotional sensitive. We truly feel, for good and bad, we are in there knee deep in the emotional muck of living and that is what being alive is about.
- We are strong enough to hold the intense emotional energy. Emotions of such magnitude generate energy of the same magnitude. We are like walking beacons and batteries. We tend to the extremes that others cannot and we remind people of the fragility of being human. When we wound each other through our actions or words, it causes pain and suffering.
- We offer a different view of the world that only we with our rawness and extremes can offer. Differences are good.
- We are incredibly strong and resilient. Worthy of love and friends. We just need people as special as we are.
- and lastly, remember …It IS what It IS… the past is gone, non existent and the future is yet to exist. We can only be who we are supposed to BE and we can only be where we ARE.
Mortals need not apply.